Beginning
Ever have trouble getting something started? Well, that is how I feel about this blog…I registered about 5 days ago with the intentions of getting something on to it straight away….However, as is typical for most everything I do, I encountered a sense of reluctance to begin the process. This reluctance forms a theme for many aspects of my life. I was reluctant to commit my life to Christ, reluctant to go to college, reluctant to evaluate my life and deal with those issues that were holding me back. You would think that I would have learned by now that the good stuff only comes after I have put aside my reluctance and stepped out in faith!
Considering my life before and after coming into relationship with Christ (at 31 years of age…I was quite stubborn in my reluctance) there really is no comparison – it was the difference between feeling dead and feeling alive. God breathed life into the depths of my being where there had been hibernation, stagnation and lifelessness.
My reluctance to go to college also has proven to be unwise. The best time of my life, the time when I grew the most, learned the most about God, life and myself, and developed the closest most intimate and real relationships, has been my time at graduate school…who would have thought! Likewise, it was not until I moved beyond fear (which fed my reluctance) and faced the demons of my past, took an honest look at my life and allowed my heart to be known, that I became fully alive and discovered the joy in life.
If, like me, you are hesitant to begin your journey, let me encourage you. It may be painful, and sometimes you may feel that you are moving backwards, or not moving at all, but as you begin you too will discover the gift of life…just remember, this journey begins and ends with Christ – in Him all things are possible!!
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Many of the things you have said resonate with me. I often feel that for every three steps forward that I make, somehow I end up ten steps behind. I know it’s cliche, but I totally feel that way. I often feel like many of the decisions I’ve made in the past three years have been wrong even though I know God has a plan for my life. But you are right, all things begin and end in Christ and that is the key. I wouldn’t be doing two different Bible studies and having my own quiet time every day if I didn’t believe it to be true!
You are truly brave to have left your home to move around so much. I’ve never even left my home state other than to travel! I hope to do that someday because my husband feels like he is called to go to seminary in the future–we just have to get his BA finished first, which is a big task in and of itself.
Thanks for your reply Meadow, I don’t know if I was really brave to leave home and move around. Honestly, I was probably running from a life I greatly disliked rather than taking the difficult and painful steps necessary to change. I was desperately trying to free myself from pain and decided that to run away from it would be the best option. Running (or avoiding) is rarely the right solution even though it may be the easiest (unless, of course, your life or wellbeing or that of another is in danger). Sometimes the braver thing to do is to stay and work to resolve whatever the difficulty may be.
I discovered, by the grace of God, that freedom is not in moving from country to country, and doing the things that I please, but in trusting Him first, and then in embracing ALL of life – to use a cliche – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Taking an honest appraisal of life, personally and in general, can be a painful, and long process, but the rewards are so worth it. For me, the greatest reward (thank you Jesus!) is the ability to have real and meaningful relationships. To connect deeply with another human being and to be truly known, is a great and valuable gift.