New Year’s Resolutions

I wonder how many people actually stick to the New Year’s resolutions they make. Most people, including myself, can probably run on the motivation of starting a new regime, schedule or way of doing things, for about 2 to 3 weeks. After that, it is just hard to keep it up, particularly if it is not something in which you naturally find enjoyment, for example, working out at the gym (this is why you need to make it a resolution!). So, what does one do? Is accountability the answer?
I have heard much talk about the benefits of having someone keep you accountable for sustaining changes you have initiated. But, does accountability work? Not in my experience! For the past year or so I have been convinced that “accountability” is not for those of us who get discouraged by someone pointing out to us that we have not done or accomplished what we set out to do or accomplish. What is the point of this? After all, we are already aware of our “failure.” Having someone merely point it out is a form of shaming, and in my book, shaming never works as a good motivator. It is also not a good way to maintain a friendship!

However, my view of accountability received an overhaul last September. I watched a segment on the DVD from the Willow Creek Leadership Summit 2005, in which Dr Henry Cloud redefined this concept for me and framed it in a way that I believe actually has the potential to work. He stated that part of holding someone accountable entails offering them grace. Grace, he says, not only does away with shaming, but involves providing practical help to the person who has asked for the accountability. What a wonderful concept!

So, next time you need someone to keep you accountable, chose a person who you know understands the concept of grace and who is willing to provide a helping hand when needed. Be specific with the person and let him or her know your expectations, and of course, make your expectations reasonable.

On the flip side, if someone asks you to be his or her accountability partner, be ready to extent grace and thereby lovingly help the person move towards his or her goals. Remember, shaming only causes self condemnation, where as grace offers love and hope.